Prideful Moments & Mother's Guilt

Prideful moments & mother's guilt...these emotions seem to occur MULTIPLE times on a daily basis.  When Annie, our oldest, was around 6 or 7 months, I remember watching a segment on The Today show, or one of those types of shows talking about mistakes we feel we make as parents.  At THAT time, the stay-at-home mother of an only child, whose day was spent solely at home, playing, reading books, singing songs, I thought to myself, "isn't that funny...I don't think I've made any mistakes or have ANYTHING to improve upon."  Boy have times changed!  Now it doesn't seem a day, let alone an hour goes by, without something happening where I wish I could go back and handle a situation differently.  Take today, for example...Annie was getting out of school early, in fact, right when Jack would be getting out of preschool.  No problem, it was Mamamia's day to drive carpool, so Jack was covered... all we had to do was pickup Annie and meet her to get Jack, then we were free to do whatever we wanted the rest of the afternoon.  So, I promised the kids all week, that if they earned enough chips in their jars, for doing their chores, were "kind enough" to one another, etc., I would pick up lunch and we could go have a picnic at the park.  They were all so excited and I WAS SO PROUD of myself for being a good mom:)  We had been talking everyday about where we were getting lunch from, which park they were going to pick to play at.  It all ran so smoothly!!  Then, as we are waiting in line at Chick-fil-A, I decide to read Jack's folder from today.  His teacher writes daily notes on things they enjoyed doing each day, and as I'm reading about how he enjoyed letter T activities today, it hit me...WE(me) forgot COMPLETELY about letter T show-n-tell today!! My big proud of myself balloon that I was flying high above me, was quickly deflated, bringing on the mother's guilt!  Jack was fine with it, of course...that's the kind of kid he is!  He doesn't get TOO concerned with things like that, which I guess could be seen as good and bad!  Annie, on the other hand, would have brought it up the moment she saw me.  Isn't it funny how they are all so different?!?

Speaking of Annie, brings me to the mommy guilt moment I had with her last night...We were in our routine of "teeth, books, bed" when she was getting her clothes out for school today.  Fridays are always Spirit day, and she can wear one of her 3 school spirit shirts that we have bought for her.  Of course, she usually ONLY wears ONE of them...doesn't really have a reason why she doesn't want to wear the others, she just ALWAYS picks the hunter green one.  Well, she couldn't find it hanging in her closet...we looked in my closet hamper, I looked through her hanging clothes again, still to no avail.  Then when she looked in the bottom of HER hamper, there it was!  Relief that it was found, but then when she showed it to me, I could tell she was wanting me to wash it, so it would be ready for this morning!  Something I probably would have done for her when she was younger, but now with 3 children in the house, and EXHAUSTED from it being a Thursday, a later than usual evening because of dance class, I politely said, "Annie, mama isn't doing laundry tonight...you'll have to wear one of your other spirit shirts."  She was upset for a minute or two, then proceeded to pick one of the others, but the mother's guilt still filled me as I walked out of her room.  This morning, she never complained a word as she got dressed, and I was grateful!  I was also relieved that we hadn't waited to set out clothes, because our happiness over it being an Early Release Friday, might have started out a bit on the sour side!  

That takes us to Sam...poor thing, he is a 3rd child FOR SURE!!  He is toted around from place to place, awakened from sleep to take kids to school, awakened from sleep to pick up, getting fed breakfast and snacks in the car because it seems we're always in a hurry to get somewhere.  He takes it all in stride and NEVER seems to be in a bad mood!  His week has consisted of being in the childcare room at the preschool 4 days, for 3 hours each, since last Friday because his mama & Mamamia, always said they would be active parents when they exited the teaching world and have found themselves on the preschool board, Jubilee silent auction co-chairs, AND on the interviewing committee... and ALL of which multiple meetings are convening over the last week, and the next month!  I am proud to serve/volunteer in such a way and be asked to lend my opinion in such important decisions, but the mother's guilt has certainly set in because that was not what my intention for Sam would ideally be.  We are truly blessed in that the childcare provider he has spent SO MUCH time with lately, is a wonderful, loving mother herself, and that he is getting to play with others, which he sooo enjoys doing!  We are so proud of him for making more progress with his potty training this week, but I feel guilty that I am keeping him from being more consistent, because we are out of the house so much!  It did make me feel good that this morning, after Annie and Jack were at school, Sam was able to actually sit at the table and eat breakfast at HIS own pace, and even asked me to come sit and eat by him!  And because today was a day just to be home, I was able to do just that!  

 

Finding this note on our kitchen pad one day, definitely made me feel proud!  If you're not up on your 1st grade writing interpretations, it says "I Love My Parents".  To which I replied back, "We love you too!"  Then came back later to find another response"They rock!!!!!"  It truly made me feel that "mother's guilt" and all, maybe we are doing an ok job...

This one was found on our nightstand..."I love, love, love, love, love, love, my parents so much, much!"  Could it be that maybe even my 7 year old daughter recognizes that even WE need reassurance and praise sometimes??

Jack had his prideful moment when he brought home this snake he was to have followed the black line and cut out, and I was so proud by his being proud...but then felt guilty that after Annie's haircutting incident when she was 3, that I had kept the kid scissors up too high on the shelf and wasn't giving him enough opportunities to practice those very important fine motor skills!!  But Jack being his laid back self, is satisfied just by completing the task, and doesn't get worked up on it being perfect...a lesson I for one, need to remember more often than not!

A prideful moment with no guilt whatsoever for our entire family, took place last Thursday, when Annie was recognized for her Dance Choreography entry in the Reflections PTA contest.  She entered the same category and won last year, which I think gave her the winning bug to try again!

The superintendent of our district was on hand to award the honorees, and the PTA committee did an excellent job of making it such a nice evening for everyone!

Beaming from ear to ear with her 2 new medals to add to her collection!  

Proud papa giving his "baby girl" a big bear hug, while Sam checks out the new loot!

She already has the stance of an Olympian!!

It was a great night for us all to celebrate...Daddy even treated us to Schlotzsky's on the way home, so with all of us getting our pick of what to eat, and Mama getting the night off from kitchen duty, we ALL came away winners...

I think our prideful moments & my mother's guilt are just now in the beginning stages, but like any emotion, whether it be tears of sadness, joy, nervousness, pride or guilt, they are signs that show how much we care!  And with this group, The Holland Five, as you know, I love them "To the Moon & Back...and take everything life brings in between" guilt and all, because they are what keeps me trying to do better again and again!